~REVIEW of Catherine Mckenzie's SPIN~

“Imagine if Bridget Jones fell into A million little pieces, flew over the cuckoo’s nest and befriended Lindsey Lohan along the way.” Okay I might have stolen that quote from the back of the book but it does describe Spin perfectly, so I couldn’t help myself.

This was a fantastic read and from a new Canadian author no less. Totally relatable, addictive and hilarious, I had trouble putting this one down. It's written along the lines of Sophia Kinsley’s Confessions of a Shopaholic series or as I mentioned Bridget Jones's Diary, I also had flashes of Girl, Interrupted (if the loony bin were rehab) And yet despite all the comparisons Spin still manages to have a unique feel to it.

Peppered with pop culture references from movies, TV and music there's even a chapter by chapter playlist included at the end. I also just love books that are written the way we girls actually think, you know with random disjointed thoughts and crazy insecurities. And how much fun is it to follow a heroine who isn’t perfect? Kate, well she’s a mess so it was an absolute blast stumbling along with her while she finds herself.

Kate,(Katie, whatever) Sanford has just landed the job interview she’s been dreaming about her entire adult life, (other than writing for Rolling Stone that is.) It’s an interview with her favourite music magazine The Line. It’s also Katie’s 30th birthday which is all the more reason to celebrate, right? I mean what harm can meeting her friend Greer and having one little drink do? She’ll still get home early enough to be clear headed and fresh for the big interview tomorrow. Well as most of us know there’s no such thing as one drink (especially with friends like Greer.)

Katie’s botched interview is hilarious, she’s late arriving, still a bit drunk and concludes the meeting by excusing herself to throw up and lie on the restroom floor. Needless to say she doesn’t get the job. She is however just perfect for another assignment they have in mind; entering a 30 day stint in rehab to spy on the new “it” girl of the moment and writing a 5,000 word expose for their subsidiary gossip magazine. (Should she succeed the job she actually wants will also be waiting for her.) It’s a no brainer really, at this point Katie has burned almost every bridge she can and has nothing left to loose, besides its only for 30 days.

Kate’s observations from rehab while somewhat heartbreaking still retain the comedy. Her experiments with jogging had me laughing out loud as did the descriptions of her dog obsessed counsellor. Of course there’s a romance in bloom and hey what do you know she might just have a drinking issue after all. At the very least Katie needs to grow up and stop telling people she’s still in college or at least partying with college kids. The rehab section of the story is predictable but that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch the train wreck and cheer from the sidelines. The ending reads like a Hugh Grant movie and I loved it. Cheers

~REVIEW of Lynda Hilburn's THE VAMPIRE SHRINK~

 

The Vampire Shrink (Kismet Knight, Ph.D., Vampire Psychologist #1)

Opening Line: "My involvement with vampires began innocently enough."

Dr. Kismit Knight is a respected Denver Psychologist who doesn't believe in the paranormal. She especially doesn't believe in Vampires. Kismit's character has been written like a real person, not your average romance heroine, she could be you or me and that's what makes it so great when she stumbles into the Vampire world. It could also be you or me.

The story begins with Dr. Knight taking on a patient with a Vampire fetish. The girl frequents a Goth club and has a crush on the owner, who she claims is a Vampire. She in fact wants to become one of the undead. Kismit of course thinks she's crazy but decides that this Vampire culture would be a great idea for a book. Kismit puts an ad in the newspaper promoting herself as the "Vampire Shrink" hoping to gain valuable research material. What she doesn't count on is meeting Devereux. The 800 year old, wealthy and extremely gorgeous club owner. After a two year drought in her sex life Kismit finds herself inexplicably drawn to him even though she thinks he's delusional for indeed claiming to be a Vampire. Through a series of misadventures and blood drained bodies she also finds herself spending time with FBI profiler Alan Stevens. Enter the love triangle.

Throughout this story we get to hear Dr. Knights running internal dialogue and it's awesome, especially after she learns that Devereux can read her mind. "Yes I desire you as well" he whispered into my mind.

The climax takes place at a Vampire ball on Halloween night. With a gruesome multiple-personality antagonist named Lucifer out to kill Devereux and drain Dr. Knights blood. It also finds FBI man Alan dressed as Gary Oldman from the movie Dracula. This is a hilarious book, full of sassy sarcasm and cool wit. It is also quite sexy. With both love interests more than suitable as romance material.

Highly recommended for fans of sexy Vampires, sexy FBI men, sarcastic wit, paranormal romance and an all around good read. I'm looking forward to reading (DARK HARVEST) next to see where the series takes us.

Excerpt from the Vampire Shrink:
"I choose fictional creatures for 500$ Alex."

Propping my feet up on the chair that'd been recently vacated by the firm hindquarters of the cutest FBI agent I'd ever seen, I raised my coffee cup in a solitary toast to the memory of his tight jeans exiting my kitchen and loudly vocalized the theme song from the TV game show Jeopardy.

I put on my best Alex Trebek voice. "These bloodsucking undead denizens of the night have taken over the rational minds of the populace of Denver" I pretended to push an invisible button on the table.

"What are vampires?" imitating Alex again

"Yes our new winner is Dr Kismit Knight formally a respected psychologist now a permanent resident of Denver Psychiatric Hospital"

I sang the theme song again, applauded myself and heaved a huge sigh. I definitely didn't get enough sleep."

~REVIEW of Evangeline Anderson's THE ASSIGNMENT~

The Assignment (Assignment, #1)

Opening Line: "This is gonna take some getting used to."

Set in the early 1980’s (which kept me visualizing Starsky and Hutch and hoping for descriptions of Magnum-esque moustaches) THE ASSIGNMENT is a su-weet read. Just long enough at 161 pages and certainly steamy enough, I can see myself returning to this story again and again. Filled with suspense, random humour, genuine emotion and sexual tension so palpable it just about killed me, Valenti and O’Brian are a couple so deliciously hot and manly that you simply won‘t be able to get enough of them. Plus with cover art this good how can you go wrong?

Detectives Nicholas Valenti and Sean O’Brian have been best friends and partners for 6 years. Often teased because of their open affection, they’ve got each others backs on or off duty. Through danger, donuts and divorce there isn’t anything one of them wouldn’t do for the other including taking a bullet or giving the occasional back massage. That’s a good thing too because Captain Harris’s latest case is going to test the boundaries of even their tight relationship.

Nick and Sean’s assignment sees them going undercover at the infamous gay resort, Ramjack. Potentially they will be busting the notorious drug dealer who’s been flooding the cities gay bars with bad cocaine. It’s a plum job that’s going to look real good on their resumes, just as long as these hetro boys can convince everyone at the RamJack they’re really a gay couple that is. But just how far are these partners willing to go?

Once engaged in their roles as the "sugar daddy" and his "boy toy" the sexual heat literally jumps off the pages. Forced to ‘fake’ their affections in public Valenti and O’Brian’s discovery of each other though soft caresses and first kisses is beautifully done. And because Sean and Nick don’t start out as gay characters watching their miscommunications, emerging feelings and unfamiliar foreplay unfold is also interesting and exciting. Because of the way most men are, when the gentle embraces carry over into their private suite they don’t talk about their feelings or what’s happening between them, they just continue to misinterpret each other and wonder… The sex scenes here are erotic, tender and very satisfying. Eventually Valenti and O’Brian are left to deal with strong emotions neither anticipated having and a very straight world to go back to.

My only real disappointment would be the abrupt resolution to their big case. Its just over. However because I was still in shock from the previous events it just didn't matter.

A bonus 26 page short story called I’LL BE HOT FOR CHRISTMAS has also been included here. This takes place a year after the RamJack case and involves Valenti suddenly pulling away and distancing himself from an increasingly sexually frustrated and pissed off O’Brian. Could it have anything to do with his new and much younger partner? Sean becomes determined to find out what’s going on even if that involves kidnapping. Cheers

~REVIEW of Ian Spector's THE TRUTH ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS~

~Hilarious and I don't know why?~

The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World's Greatest Human
 

Opening line: " When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger aired in France, the French surrendered just to be on the safe side."

THE TRUTH ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS is a hilarious collection of over 400 "facts" about the phenomenon know as Chuck Norris. (World's greatest human) I was in tears from laughing so hard while reading this although I'm still at a loss in how to explain why it's so funny? I can however tell you that if you Google Chuck Norris jokes you will get well over a million hits and that my 65 year old mother and police officer brother also found it highly amusing. So it seems the silliness appeals to all.

In this parody we get to learn all about Chuck Norris's amazing strength, his indestructible beard, his frightening sexual virility, the power of his fist, his ability to stop time by thinking about pineapples, the strength of his roundhouse kicks and much, much more. There are 400 "facts" inside and several cool, illustrated pictures.

Since my initiation into Chuck Norris's amazing world I have purchased 3 more copies of this book for family and friends and would recommend it to just about anyone plus it makes for a great piece of bathroom literature.

-Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

-Chuck Norris does not leave messages he leaves warnings.

-When Chuck Norris breaks wind, it stays broken.

-Sometimes the setting sun will linger just a few minutes on the horizon to get one last look at Chuck Norris.

-Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris Pyjamas.

-The movie Rambo was inspired by Chuck Norris's time as a boy scout.

And if you don't buy this book right now and laugh Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you back in time so you can indeed purchase THE TRUTH ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS

~REVIEW of Kimberly Raye's DEAD SEXY~

~Ticked all my boxes~

Dead Sexy (Love At First Bite #1)

 

Opening Line: "He needed a woman."

Oh, I liked this one. But then again when you’ve got an uber-sexy, yet tortured motorcycle riding, cowboy vampire on the hunt what’s not to like? All my boxes have just been ticked. Throw in a well written story, relatable and funny heroine, scorching hot love scenes, some tender dialogue and an awesome cast of eccentric secondary characters and you’ve got yourself a winner.

Nikki Braxton has given up hope on ever finding a man without issues in her hometown of Skull Creek (the last one stole her underwear and stilettos before he left) However she doesn’t want to get a reputation like her wild and wanton Mamma either and in a town this size everybody knows your business. This leaves Nikki in a state of permanent sexual frustration, getting her highs from cotton candy, baked goods and perm solution. That is until the night Jake McCann rolls into town. This delicious cowboy is just passing through and could be the perfect solution to her little problem; a one night, no strings attached, orgasmic roll in the hay without any of the towns wagging tongues the wiser.

For Jake the down and dirty he’s just had with Nikki is about more than just sex. He’s a vampire on a mission, a mission that after decades has led him to Skull Creek and the enemy that turned him. To be able to destroy his nemesis though Jake’s going to need his batteries fully charged and this is where Nikki comes in. You see Jake doesn’t just feed on blood he feeds on sexual energy and Nikki’s got a ton to spare, so much so that one night with her simply isn’t going to be enough.

I was very curious about the idea of a cowboy vampire and thought this is either going to be really silly or super sexy. Luckily Jake (and all the characters) have been written in such multi-faceted ways that the idea works, big time. Giving you everything you could possibly want in a quickie Harlequin romance and then some. Jake is a fantastic character; self assured, intensely sexual and driven yet also vulnerable and lonely without even knowing it. Yup I fell hard for this Cowboy. Nikki is also great, completely down to earth and fun to be around. Their romance takes some surprising turns and for as steamy as it gets it was also very sweet. I will definitely be searching out more from Kimberly Raye and can’t wait to read the rest of her Scull Creek series, she made this small town and its cast of characters come alive. Cheers!

~REVIEW of David Nicholls' ONE DAY~

Opening Line: "I suppose the important thing is to make some sort of difference"

So I’m going to try to write a somewhat sensible review here that doesn’t come across as all gushy fan-girl. I will say (hopefully only once) that I adored this book but you should know that I'm a bit of a sucker for a tragedy too. ONE DAY was brilliant in every way; making me laugh and cry while filling me with nostalgia and longing. And because I’m the same age as Dexter and Emma the time frame here was also totally relatable (see nostalgia) with little details I had forgotten about from the past two decades.

Equal parts heartbreaking and hilarious yet also suspenseful as each chapter takes place a year to the day after the last one so you have to figure out what’s happened in that time between. And of course you want the H/h to get together so you’re waiting with bated breathe for them to finally “see” each other too. In the end this also made me want to seize the day like it’s my last, phone up all my long lost friends and lovers and look at old photographs. Hmmm and I haven’t even gotten into the genius of the writing yet (how do you put that into words?)

I knew that writing a review here was going to be difficult (when you love a book this much there doesn’t seem to be enough correct words to do it justice) and I promised myself to just keep this short and to the point so here goes... This is one of the most hilarious, perceptive, witty, moving and heartbreaking books I have ever read.

Told in 5 parts in alternating POV’s and over a span of twenty years Dexter Mayhew and Emma Morley meet in 1988. Em has just graduated from university and hooked up with that boy she’s seen around for ages. He is Dexter, beautiful, pretentious and in his mind destined for greatness. As the sun rises they drink wine and talk about their futures. They have their whole lives stretching out ahead of them in an endless number of days and isn’t it going to be wonderful they can achieve anything they want to.

Starting as lovers Dexter and Emma continue as friends and the book joins them on July 15th of each year (St Swithin’s day) through their 20’s and 30’s and into their 40’s. As anyone in their 40’s knows, life happens and it doesn’t always go as planned, missed opportunities and the like.

“When I was younger everything seemed possible. Now nothing does.”

Through phone calls and letters, in different countries and towns, through assorted relationships, jobs and life’s little surprises and ruts we join Em and Dex each year in a unique snapshot of their life. They don’t always get along but they do think about each other everyday in some way and in case you haven’t figured it out this is ultimately a love story.

I can’t say much more about this without giving it all away. But when I read the last word I wanted to start it again and nothing I’ve tried to read since compares. Cheers.

“Live each day as if it’s your last, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that?”

~REVIEW of Lynsay Sands' THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE~

The Accidental Vampire (Argeneau, #7)

Opening Line:" It was a high-pitched scream that woke Elvi."

THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE is an amusing story with great characters. It also gives a slightly different take on the standard Vampire Romance, wherein the main characters are all in their 60's and the Vampires are decendents of Atlantis. This is also not a series that you need to read in order, which is great. It's nice to just pick up a book and not need a huge ammount of back story to know what's going on.

Elvie Black was accidentally turned into a Vampire while vacationing in Mexico with her best friend. Upon returning home she watches Dracula in an attempt to understand how to live like a Vampire. She runs a B&B and is the star attraction at the local resturaunt where she gives birthday bites to the townsfolk. As her friends age they fear that she will be left alone and subsequently place a personals ad in the paper. This brings several sexy Vampire suiters into town all vying for Elvie's attention. One in particular, Victor Argeneau is an enforcer. Sent to take Elvie before the counsel as she is breaking the Vampire laws by feeding on humans and not keeping her immortal status a secret.

Much hilarity ensues as all 5 suitors end up staying in the B&B over the following week, teaching Elvie how to be a Vampire. Two hilarious scenes stand out for me; one, after she learns that she can in fact eat, and makes a mad dash to the store in search of chocolate and cheesecake. (it's been 5 years) The other takes place after she's told that she doesn't have to sleep in a coffin. Elvie then takes all the men with her to purchase a new bed. The whole town becames a part of this amusing story as a comedy of errors results in someone trying to kill Elvie and Victor discovering that she might be his lifemate.

~REVIEW of Steve Austin's THE STONE COLD TRUTH~

~OR WHAT YOU'LL READ WHEN YOU'RE BORED~

Forward by Vincent F. McMahon

Opening Line: Damn, I think I’m dying, dying for sure.

Okay first off this is not my usual reading fare (the cartoon skull at the beginning and end of each chapter should have clued me in) I’m not a Wrestling fan, I only knew who Stone Cold Steve Austin was because he was everywhere in the late 90’s and I have two younger brothers. In going over this book for my review I realized it was going to be very hard not to rip it to pieces what with all the skulls and awesome little quotes like this one:

“DTA, you stupid piece of trash. Don’t ever trust anybody. You ain’t gonna be my partner…never! ‘Cause you are a longhair freak, and you suck!
-Austin to Mankind, after giving him the ‘stone cold stunner’ (which I now know how to do should I ever feel the need.)

Why did I read this you ask? Well you see I was trapped at a secluded fishing cabin for a week without power, in the rain and I ran out of stuff to read. This just happened to be lying around (I guess its good fishing material?) Anyways due to the short chapters, cold weather, absence of television and amount of cool pictures involved here, before I knew it I was done. So I’m going to try to review this impartially, from the point of a 12 year old boy and wrestling fan. Which is I’m sure who it was aimed at, not a forty year old romance reader. Oh in case you were wondering the fishing was great.

We begin with Stone Cold preparing for his final fight in WrestleMania against The Rock (yum!) Steve’s having a bit of an episode from the amount of energy drinks and coffee he’s been ingesting and may just be having a heart attack. (FYI Chapter one is 8 pages long and contains 2 skulls, 3 almost full page photographs and a POV from his mentor Jim Ross) Then for Chapter two (which is 4 pages long) we go way back to the beginning, briefly following Austin’s childhood, growing up in Texas. He talks about his family, his brothers and love of sports; football and tennis in particular. Repeating often how important it is to respect and listen to your parents and stay in school. About 30 pages in Steve drops out of college and goes to Wrestling school and the rest as they say is history.

Well sort of. We also get tidbits from his early career when he was on the road and didn’t have any money, surviving on potatoes. Theres lots of stories about promoters and other wrestlers he met along the way into the WWF. He talks a bit about drugs and friends lost, feuds in the business and what really went down. We meet his first wife, second wife and third. We learn the story behind the “What?” gimmick, “Hell yeah”, the middle finger salute and why its more fun to be heel then a baby face (even though you’ll sell less merchandise) He also discusses his numerous injuries and what he would change about the wrestling business.

In the end I think one of my biggest problems with this book was that it was just assumed that you knew all the background behind any of the stories he was telling, so he only ever told half the story. As a wrestling fan I’m sure the half you get is awesome but as someone reading it just for the biography aspect it was a little confusing. Can anyone tell me what he was on probation for? I also never felt like I got to know the real Steve Austin. There wasn’t any insight given into his personal life. As I said theres a ton of freaking photos, like every page, as well as wrestling quotes, letters and documents all interspersed with commentary from his mother, father and good friend Jim "J.R” Ross. oh and all the skulls.

And that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so. Cheers

~REVIEW of Jesse Petersen's: MARRIED WITH ZOMBIES~

Married with Zombies (Living with the Dead, #1)

Opening Line: David and I became warriors in the zombie plague on the first day, but I don't think that means we were front line soldiers or something"

Touted as “romantic comedy with…brains.” this was a fantastic, super fun read that had me laughing from page 1 and just didn’t stop. Alongside all the gore and zombie mayhem there’s also a well written, action filled, story here which I think anyone who’s been in a long term relationship or seen Sean of the Dead will be able to relate to. Following average Seattle couple, Sarah and David as they try to save not only their crumbling marriage but struggle through the first few days of a zombie apocalypse. With only each other to rely on it becomes as much of a struggle not to kill the other as it does to battle the rising undead.

I loved the way this was written, I loved that Sarah and David live in the real world, they talk like we do, they bicker, they swear at each other, they drive a crappy car, they figure out how to kill zombies from plotlines they’ve seen in movies. And the chapter headings are hilarious too, consisting of *helpful relationship advice quotes*, altered to take into account the whole zombie issue. Married With Zombies takes a light hearted look at marriage while kicking major zombie ass and it was a blast.

Sarah and David are on the verge of divorce so it’s no wonder they don’t notice a few strange sightings on their way to couples counselling. However when they find Dr Kelly eating the previous clients it gets their attention. Suddenly which radio station to listen to, or how much time David spends playing video games is the least of their concerns. Which piece of office equipment best disables a zombie is the new normal. As it turns out a letter opener, high heeled shoe or even a well aimed Dr Phil book will work in a pinch.

Learning as they go Sarah and David return home only to find their undead neighbour in their bathroom, -turns out you can also kill a zombie by crushing his head with a toilet seat, however this does make things a little awkward when his girlfriend shows up. Luckily she’s got a stockpile of guns and ammunition (never can tell about ones neighbours can you) Because Sarah and David are about to leave the city, I mean things have got to better in the suburbs, right?

You’ll be cheering this dysfunctional couple along as they stumble across plagues of the undead, religious cults, a visit to a zombie casino, looting (another new normal) first drives in luxury cars, broken limbs and a visit to the country fair (zombies on ferris wheel anyone) Through all the arguing, when it comes right down to it theres no one else Sarah or David would rather go through a zombie apocalypse with than each other. Cheers

Thankfully this is only the first instalment from the Living With The Dead Series, FLIP THIS ZOMBIE is next.

*Men are from mars zombies are from hell.
*Balance the workload in your relationship. No one person should be responsible for killing all the zombies.
*Make requests, not demands “please” kill that zombie honey, I’m out of bullets.
*Support your partner in their interests. You never know when batting practice, kung fu movies or even poker night might come in handy during a zombie infestation.
*Never go to bed angry, terrified is okay.
*Give each other compliments every day. Even when the undead attack, its nice to feel pretty or badass.
*Address one issue at a time. You can’t load gasoline, pick up food and kill 15 zombies all at once.

"I should have know that having "end of the world" sex wouldn't solve our problems. Though it was pretty great and I highly recommend it. Its one of the big benefits of an apocalypse that no one tells you about. It just makes everything...better, because you know it might be the last time every time."

"Have you ever wanted to smash a car? or break a television? Or maybe burn a big fire in the middle of a city square? If the answer is yes, then you'd have some fun during a zombie infestation. Its the little moments, you know?"

~REVIEW of Dennis Leary's WHY WE SUCK: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid~

Many of my friends were curious about this book and asked me if Leary comes across like an a-hole in it. I assume they’re asking because he generally has a dark, angry style of comedy and his stand up routines contain a lot of yelling and ranting. My answer is no. Providing that is, you keep an open mind, are able to laugh at yourself and check your politically correctness at the door. Leary just states it like it is and tells a little truth about the sucky side in all of us.
 

I laughed while reading this. I mean really laughed, out loud and then started quoting parts to everyone, including my 67 year old mother who’s now reading it (and laughing). So if you’re a fan of Denis Leary then I can’t recommend this part memoir, part self help tirade enough. Surprisingly there were even sections that helped me, specifically when it comes to understanding how men’s brains work and why they do (or don’t do) what they do. And if you ever need a recipe that calls for 6,000 potatoes he’s got you covered.

Denis starts things out by giving an overview of what he’s going to talking about in the book. These first few chapters were mostly ranting and I wasn’t all that impressed but then he seemed to calm down and possibly even sat down at his computer, gave his mum a call and started to tell a real story. It then becomes a really interesting memoir with hilarious stories about his Irish Catholic upbringing. We learn about his fear of Kung Fu and fascination with the Vulcan nerve pinch. How his older brother beat the crap out of him and why he was lucky to make it out of childhood at all. He even gives us some amusing recipes from his Ma’s special Irish collection.

The middle part of the book moves away from the bio angle and becomes more of an observations about life; raising drug free kids (or not?), sports, his love of dogs and why cats are satanic spawn, guy friends and nicknames, politicians, pop icons, double standards, racism and why he loves Oprah so damn much.

Some parts that stood out for me were his hilarious tirade about Starbucks, how to interpret guy speak and what men are really thinking when you ask the question “What are you thinking?” (You don’t want to know) This section comes complete with an image of the male and female brain, broken down into compartments for importance of thought. Theres also 8 pages of photographs which include shots from his childhood, his wife and kids, Domina Patrick the race car driver (?) And a comparism between him and Willem Dafoe. Hmmm.

Like I said this made me laugh and yes at times it does come across like a comedy routine but it’s also a whole lot more. Besides anyone who’s been with the same woman for 25 years, obviously still adores her, has raised normal children and phones their mum regularly can’t really be an a-hole.